25 and change.
What is being 25 supposed to feel like?
Being 25 feels challenging.
In a year from now, I would be married.
In a year from now, I would have a home of my own.
In a year from now, I would hopefully be gainfully employed.
In a year from now, I hope to be happier.
In a year from now, I hope to be stronger.
In a year from now, I hope to be a better version of me.
Sunday, September 03, 2017
Tuesday, July 04, 2017
"God can use our wrong motives for good purposes."
This phrase has been resounding with me the past couple of weeks.
I want to leave so badly and in a bid to do so, have been giving myself the wrong "justification" for leaving.
But you know they say, God can use our wrong motives for good purposes. In this vein, will my wrong motivations ultimately be for His purposes? And if so, can I justify myself for my wrong motives?
This phrase has been resounding with me the past couple of weeks.
I want to leave so badly and in a bid to do so, have been giving myself the wrong "justification" for leaving.
But you know they say, God can use our wrong motives for good purposes. In this vein, will my wrong motivations ultimately be for His purposes? And if so, can I justify myself for my wrong motives?
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
What gives us our faith? And where does our faith come from?
For me, it has always been easy. Born into a Christian household and being a fourth generation Christian meant that I didn't have those questions of "Does god exists?", if so, "whose god is the true god?".
It was easy for my faith to dictate the way I lived my life, the choices that I made, and the way I responded to difficult situations.
When life wasn't going easy, God was my strength and refuge. When life was going great, I gave thanks for His grace and mercy. I was always cognisant of the fact that God held my every moment.
But the question is, what if I didn't have God in my life? Would my life have panned out so differently? What about those who never have a personal God and Saviour in their lives? Would they feel lost? Would they feel like they are the master of their own destinies?
My belief is as strong as their disbelief. If I were, by God's grace and mercy, never to fall away from my faith, would they then not ever come to recognise my God as their personal Lord and Saviour?
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Dear 2016 me,
This year past by so slowly and quickly at the same time. This year, you've experienced more than you ever thought you'd experience in a lifetime.
For one, you got your first job. And while you're still struggling to find your place at work, you're not giving up just yet. You're reminded that you're here for a reason, and while it may seem so difficult on most days, you tell yourself you must make it through anyway. If not for anyone, but yourself.
This year, you also lost the most important family to you. You always knew how much he meant to you, but losing him was never in your contemplation. Most nights you get by just fine, but there are the night when your heart aches so badly, you never thought it could ache this much. And when those nights come by, the tears fall uncontrollably. You never know if you would ever heal from this wound, you can only hope and wish one day you would.
Even though the year seem so bleak, you also said "yes" to an individual you've decided to dedicate the rest of your lifetime with. It was an easy yes because you knew from the start he was the one. And more than anything, you're just thankful you've got him to ride through this crazy thing called life with you. For once in this year, you felt blissful.
As the year draws to an end, you're reminded of family and friends and the people who make you - you. You are grateful for the lessons life has thrown you, but more than that you give thanks that you have another day on this earth to spread joy to those you love. You are reminded that we tend to take life for granted, and that while you may be so caught up with work, you miss the things that truly matters to you and make you who you are. And when you look back on life, you realise that 2016 may not have been easy, but it is, after all, only a fraction of the life you will live.
You will continue to meet new people, new challenges and new experiences that will shape you into the person you're called to be. But always remember to stay true to who you are. And always remember the ones who stuck through with you. Be humble, be grateful and be genuine always.
Most importantly, always remember your One true constant in life, the One who sees you through the seasons, the One who has loved you and will always love you.
In His Love,
The 2016 me.
This year past by so slowly and quickly at the same time. This year, you've experienced more than you ever thought you'd experience in a lifetime.
For one, you got your first job. And while you're still struggling to find your place at work, you're not giving up just yet. You're reminded that you're here for a reason, and while it may seem so difficult on most days, you tell yourself you must make it through anyway. If not for anyone, but yourself.
This year, you also lost the most important family to you. You always knew how much he meant to you, but losing him was never in your contemplation. Most nights you get by just fine, but there are the night when your heart aches so badly, you never thought it could ache this much. And when those nights come by, the tears fall uncontrollably. You never know if you would ever heal from this wound, you can only hope and wish one day you would.
Even though the year seem so bleak, you also said "yes" to an individual you've decided to dedicate the rest of your lifetime with. It was an easy yes because you knew from the start he was the one. And more than anything, you're just thankful you've got him to ride through this crazy thing called life with you. For once in this year, you felt blissful.
As the year draws to an end, you're reminded of family and friends and the people who make you - you. You are grateful for the lessons life has thrown you, but more than that you give thanks that you have another day on this earth to spread joy to those you love. You are reminded that we tend to take life for granted, and that while you may be so caught up with work, you miss the things that truly matters to you and make you who you are. And when you look back on life, you realise that 2016 may not have been easy, but it is, after all, only a fraction of the life you will live.
You will continue to meet new people, new challenges and new experiences that will shape you into the person you're called to be. But always remember to stay true to who you are. And always remember the ones who stuck through with you. Be humble, be grateful and be genuine always.
Most importantly, always remember your One true constant in life, the One who sees you through the seasons, the One who has loved you and will always love you.
In His Love,
The 2016 me.
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Monday, December 19, 2016
The one thing that hits all the wrong buttons with me - passing judgment.
It irks me more than anything when people are so quick to point out what they believe is wrong (even though it may be subjective) and impose their standards on me.
To which I would say "Please get off your high horse and stop acting like you're so righteous, because let's face it, we're all sinners."
It irks me more than anything when people are so quick to point out what they believe is wrong (even though it may be subjective) and impose their standards on me.
To which I would say "Please get off your high horse and stop acting like you're so righteous, because let's face it, we're all sinners."
Thursday, May 05, 2016
Back to my trusty glittergurl-.bs because sometimes it's easier writing my thoughts.
Decisions, choices.
Last night, Jonathan and I had a conversation on the living arrangements after marriage (assuming we get married).
At the back of his head would always be his mother and how he would / may eventually have to move out.
He asked me what my thoughts on this was, and I put it to him simply.
"She is always welcomed to stay, but I would still want to live alone, at least in the initial stages of my marriage."
Jonathan wasn't too happy when I said that.
He said he couldn't bear to leave his mother alone at home.
Then I thought to myself,
"am I being very selfish to want to live 1 - 2 years alone? it's not like I intend to live permanently away, because eventually, we would move back. After we had children I would move back. And if it pleases you, for the rest of our lives, we will live together. Is it very selfish for me to ask for 2 years in the whole 20 over years that I would be willing to live together?"
"I am not even saying "no." but would you in the very same vein "allow" my father / mother to live with us after we got married? The argument that you would raise is that your mother is very old, but I honestly, with all due respect don't think she is old (my mother / father is 5 / 6 years older than your mother). Assuming we got married in 2018, she would be 58 and I personally think a 58 year old is fit enough to live alone. (you can beg to differ). And by the time we move back (two years later) she will be 60. I think it would be filial enough of us if we only move back then (which can you beg to differ again)."
I told Jonathan that Singapore is very small, and it truly is!, and that I'm not trying to uproot him to another state, and that we would visit often.
Then Jonathan said,
"do you know that normally traditional chinese families, the only son stays at home?"
Then I thought to myself,
"no I do not know that 'normally' the only son stays at home. and neither do I want to base my standards on 'normally' because that would just open a can of worms. does your sisters intend to live with their in-laws for good? the last I remembered, they both married only sons. Would your mother want her own daughters to live with their in-laws? because as you said, "normally" they would, why aren't they expected to then?"
"If I am not going to be your priority after marriage then I don't know if I can reconcile that with myself."
Then I said,
"I've had this conversations with my friends before, and even my friends with divorce parents and they being the only son, feel that it is necessary / not unreasonable to live apart. And that it is okay, because Singapore is really small."
Then Jonathan said,
"My relationship with my mother is different."
Then I said,
"I am not asking you to leave your mother!"
Then I thought to myself,
"If you've already decided on something, why do you bother asking what my opinion is? And if I don't agree to it, does it mean that it's one or the other.?"
After the conversation, I felt very perplexed because I tried to rationalise with myself whether I was being selfish or not.
I thought to myself,
Is it because I'm living with you now that I will forever be indebted to your parents? That because I'm living with you now, I am in position to decline when your mother wants to live with us next time? The thought of it suffocated me, and I wanted so badly to move away, but then I would have no where else to go. I hate being obligated to people.
Is it because your father is permanently overseas that you have to assume his role as a husband? I think I may sound selfish, but I don't think I can do that.
I am not asking you to be unfilial or anything, in fact I don't think I'm asking above and beyond what an individual can ask, but am I still deemed to be selfish / not understanding?
If we come down to the situation where we can't reach a compromise, do I have to choose to live with it, or walk away?
When I walk away, will I be able to do it?
I don't ask for a lot in life, but sometimes, I really don't know how much I must compromise.
Am I upset?
Yes, I am.
But how much does it matter to you anyway?
Decisions, choices.
Last night, Jonathan and I had a conversation on the living arrangements after marriage (assuming we get married).
At the back of his head would always be his mother and how he would / may eventually have to move out.
He asked me what my thoughts on this was, and I put it to him simply.
"She is always welcomed to stay, but I would still want to live alone, at least in the initial stages of my marriage."
Jonathan wasn't too happy when I said that.
He said he couldn't bear to leave his mother alone at home.
Then I thought to myself,
"am I being very selfish to want to live 1 - 2 years alone? it's not like I intend to live permanently away, because eventually, we would move back. After we had children I would move back. And if it pleases you, for the rest of our lives, we will live together. Is it very selfish for me to ask for 2 years in the whole 20 over years that I would be willing to live together?"
"I am not even saying "no." but would you in the very same vein "allow" my father / mother to live with us after we got married? The argument that you would raise is that your mother is very old, but I honestly, with all due respect don't think she is old (my mother / father is 5 / 6 years older than your mother). Assuming we got married in 2018, she would be 58 and I personally think a 58 year old is fit enough to live alone. (you can beg to differ). And by the time we move back (two years later) she will be 60. I think it would be filial enough of us if we only move back then (which can you beg to differ again)."
I told Jonathan that Singapore is very small, and it truly is!, and that I'm not trying to uproot him to another state, and that we would visit often.
Then Jonathan said,
"do you know that normally traditional chinese families, the only son stays at home?"
Then I thought to myself,
"no I do not know that 'normally' the only son stays at home. and neither do I want to base my standards on 'normally' because that would just open a can of worms. does your sisters intend to live with their in-laws for good? the last I remembered, they both married only sons. Would your mother want her own daughters to live with their in-laws? because as you said, "normally" they would, why aren't they expected to then?"
"If I am not going to be your priority after marriage then I don't know if I can reconcile that with myself."
Then I said,
"I've had this conversations with my friends before, and even my friends with divorce parents and they being the only son, feel that it is necessary / not unreasonable to live apart. And that it is okay, because Singapore is really small."
Then Jonathan said,
"My relationship with my mother is different."
Then I said,
"I am not asking you to leave your mother!"
Then I thought to myself,
"If you've already decided on something, why do you bother asking what my opinion is? And if I don't agree to it, does it mean that it's one or the other.?"
After the conversation, I felt very perplexed because I tried to rationalise with myself whether I was being selfish or not.
I thought to myself,
Is it because I'm living with you now that I will forever be indebted to your parents? That because I'm living with you now, I am in position to decline when your mother wants to live with us next time? The thought of it suffocated me, and I wanted so badly to move away, but then I would have no where else to go. I hate being obligated to people.
Is it because your father is permanently overseas that you have to assume his role as a husband? I think I may sound selfish, but I don't think I can do that.
I am not asking you to be unfilial or anything, in fact I don't think I'm asking above and beyond what an individual can ask, but am I still deemed to be selfish / not understanding?
If we come down to the situation where we can't reach a compromise, do I have to choose to live with it, or walk away?
When I walk away, will I be able to do it?
I don't ask for a lot in life, but sometimes, I really don't know how much I must compromise.
Am I upset?
Yes, I am.
But how much does it matter to you anyway?
Friday, November 27, 2015
Thursday, November 26, 2015
I was reading a brochure on relationships and one of the points I came today said this,
"Be willing to admit you're wrong and say I'm sorry".
I was just thinking, do all arguments necessarily have to have one party who is at fault?
Sometimes, disagreements can arise out of different opinions towards a subject matter,
with none being necessarily right or wrong per se.
The perils of subjectivity.
But even in law, we learn that there isn't really that objective reasonable man we speak of,
so whose standards do we then based our opinions on?
What happens then if neither parties are blameworthy?
Agree to disagree?
Compromise?
I always arrived back at this quote though,
but it's just so hard to live it out all the time.
"But I have come to learn that life is not about winning philosophical arguments, it is about love, relationship and grace. It is about whether the ideas we hold can make us better people. You can win an argument but lose your witness."
I'm not even going to deny that I'm a naturally defensive person,
and everyday I'm learning to be less and less so.
But it takes time.
"Be willing to admit you're wrong and say I'm sorry".
I was just thinking, do all arguments necessarily have to have one party who is at fault?
Sometimes, disagreements can arise out of different opinions towards a subject matter,
with none being necessarily right or wrong per se.
The perils of subjectivity.
But even in law, we learn that there isn't really that objective reasonable man we speak of,
so whose standards do we then based our opinions on?
What happens then if neither parties are blameworthy?
Agree to disagree?
Compromise?
I always arrived back at this quote though,
but it's just so hard to live it out all the time.
"But I have come to learn that life is not about winning philosophical arguments, it is about love, relationship and grace. It is about whether the ideas we hold can make us better people. You can win an argument but lose your witness."
I'm not even going to deny that I'm a naturally defensive person,
and everyday I'm learning to be less and less so.
But it takes time.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Monday, November 23, 2015
Hello glittergurl-.bs, it's been more than a while,
I wonder who comes here anymore, anyway.
I've been using my Dayre religiously for close to two years now,
and whilst I maintain it's extremely convenient and fuss free,
it's different from writing here.
Strange how I don't miss posting on here though,
I thought I would.
The year is coming to an end soon,
and if there's anything I want to remember this year for it's these three things:
1. Graduation (Day 196 on Dayre);
2. Graduation trip to Taiwan, Korea, USAAAA!! (Day 112 - Day 127 on Dayre); and
3. Our bto house (Day 281 on Dayre).
See you over at Dayre!
I wonder who comes here anymore, anyway.
I've been using my Dayre religiously for close to two years now,
and whilst I maintain it's extremely convenient and fuss free,
it's different from writing here.
Strange how I don't miss posting on here though,
I thought I would.
The year is coming to an end soon,
and if there's anything I want to remember this year for it's these three things:
1. Graduation (Day 196 on Dayre);
2. Graduation trip to Taiwan, Korea, USAAAA!! (Day 112 - Day 127 on Dayre); and
3. Our bto house (Day 281 on Dayre).
See you over at Dayre!
Thursday, January 22, 2015
(Reproduced from my Dayre)
Lately, everyone's been filing for graduation, and when that thought comes to mind, I feel bittersweet.
Sometimes I wish I had a super fantastic university life to attest to, but I know I don't because I remember it wasn't all that perfect. I remember the nights that I had to cry myself to sleep because law school was so difficult on all counts. Did I wish that I could graduate immediately then? I sure did, and I still do.
Bidding still scares me every single semester. Class part still haunts me even till today and grouping for project still leaves me disappointed.
Nevertheless, I dare say that if times weren't as difficult as they were, I probably wouldn't be as humbled or grown as much as I have (literally).
Would I have had it any other way? I honestly don't know. But I guess sometimes I do wish that I could share in Jon's sentiments that SMU was the best thing, because it just wasn't? I wish university was something I could have looked back on and remember that "hey it was fun" because for the large part of it, it wasn't, tbh.
And I guess sometimes I still don't really understand why my university life wasn't as great.
But I count my blessings, and I don't deny that even being able to get into law school is a blessing in disguise. I did meet my fair share of nice people, friends that I intend to have as my (um) bridesmaid. I also did get to see the world because of exchange. And I did meet Jon as well. And I cannot discount all these as part of my university education and what SMU gave to me.
So I guess I am thankful for my SMU education, and that I survived all the way till my last semester. But I guess a part of me will always wish that some nights were easier. And I'm just glad it's (almost) over.
Monday, January 05, 2015
Hello Twenty Fifteen.
So I've been reading random "2014 in summary" blogposts and it dawned upon me how 2014 could / was possibly the best year of my life so far.
2014 was so good till the extent that I'm so unwilling to welcome 2015 because somehow I feel like it won't match up or it'd just pale in comparison to how good 2014 was.
I know I'm not supposed to be comparing, but there just seem to be nothing much to look forward to.
2015 is supposed to be the lull period for me because I'm finishing up my university education and hopefully be able to practice.
It's also the last year for me to be a student.
I'm not going to say that I love being a student, it's just something about being a law student that makes being a student horrible, but I do supposed it beats the working world and life.
In any case, I do hope that I finish up my university education well and leave with no regrets.
If I want 2014 to be remembered for anything, it'd definitely be these four things:
1. My exchange in Israel.
It's funny how God really put everything in place for me. Even with my substandard GPA, I still managed to go on exchange.
I still remember it was sometime in June that I was with Charlene and Yaanmeng's at his old place and we were baking macarons and lemon cupcakes. And I was just casually mentioning to them that my applications for exchange would close at 12 midnight. At that point of time, I wasn't expecting to go on exchange because of my shitty GPA and also because I had no money. It was always in my plan to on exchange, if I ever did, in Y4S1. Given that I had no hopes in applying for exchange in Y3S2, I just casually filled up the exchange worksheet, without expecting to go on exchange.
During the end of my OCSP, I received an email saying that I had been rejected for the schools I had applied for. However, another email came in saying that certain locations had slots left. Amongst them were US, HK, Israel, Barcelona and I can't really remember the rest. And so I decided that I'd just whack Israel and if it's meant for me to be there, I will be there.
And then the email came in, stating that I had a spot at "IDC Herzliya". Was I happy? A little. Was I afraid? A little. Was I assured that there was God wanted me to be? Yes.
So fast forward till February, I had my life packed in two suitcases and I was on the flight to Israel. Exchange, like I mentioned previously, was the best thing that happened to me in 2014. It not only provided me with a period of rest, that was much needed from the dreaded law school, but it also made me discover so many things about myself and life that I possibly wouldn't have discovered without going on exchange.
Exchange opened my eyes to so many things, so many sights and also changed my perspective and outlook to life in so many ways. It wasn't only in the wonderful roommates that I lived with, the wonderful people at church, and the wonderful country Israel was but every single detail that led me to believe that God really prepared a place there for me. Honestly, the only worries I had was to decided what to cook for dinner the next day or whether the clothes that were washed together would run color.
It was a period in my life that was so precious to me that I am glad I documented almost every single day in my Dayre (http://dayre.me/aileenstephanie). So beyond a shadow of doubt, I thank God for the period of rest that He gave me in Israel, for looking out for me every single step of the way, and for providing for me in every single way I would possibly need.
2. Travels.
In 2014 alone I visited 18 cities in 11 countries, and that is a lot of places, even more than an individual might travel in his lifetime. Once again, I am grateful to God for providing with the opportunity to travel to so many different places and for keeping me safe. These travels definitely didn't come cheap, but in every single situation, He always provided more than enough for me. He also blessed me with the best companies I could possibly need.
1. Israel - Tel Aviv
2. Germany - Berlin
3. Germany - Stuttgart
4. Spain - Barcelona
5. France - Paris
6. Italy - Venice
7. Italy - Florence
8. Italy - Rome
9. Turkey - Istanbul
10. Turkey - Cappadocia
11. Greece - Athens
12. Hong Kong - Hong Kong
13. Korea - Seoul
14. Korea - Jeju
15. Korea - Busan
16. Thailand - Pattaya
17. Thailand - Bangkok
18. Malaysia - Penang
3. Training contract.
I guess this is something every single Year 3 law student would be worrying about, and given my GPA, I guess it was even more worrying. I guess if there was anything weighing down on my mind in Israel, this would be it. Yet even with the future uncertainty, God instill in me a sense of peace that could never have come from within myself. In spite of all my worries, I always had this peace of mind that God has a plan for me and that even though my grades or what the world represent seemed against me, He was my only rock and hope.
And so after months of worrying about my training contract, God opened an opportunity for me and provided me with a training contract. And even with this, the future is still uncertain in many ways, but I know that God will always be with me, and that is all that really matters.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow,
and I know who holds my hand.
4. Jon.
We saw this coming. But yes, through every single thing that I'm grateful for in 2014, from exchange to travels to my training contract, he was a part of it. Everybody knows I am a love skeptic, who wants to get married someday. (I know I am bipolar like that) And so when it comes to relationships, I really don't quite believe in it. But yet I am very glad that in His time, He placed Jon in my life to love me and make me grow in ways I've never grown before.
If you've always found me to be obnoxious and condescending, he's the one who tells me that I need to stop doing what I do, and actually makes me stop being a nasty person. (If I still am, I am working on it) Trust me when I say that he is brutally honest with me. He is not afraid to hurt my feelings at all, to make me become a better person. And we all know how it's not so easy to love me, but he does it anyway.
Sometimes he can get irritatingly and annoyingly rational, (he has never written me a note since we got together, nor has he gotten me flowers even though I keep bugging him to), but he is romantic, thoughtful and caring in his own ways. And more importantly, he really makes me feel happy, loved and appreciated.
And because I am still a love skeptic (what, you weren't expecting me to change over night were you?), I am not dismissing the possibly that I may eventually not end up marrying Jon, or even being single for the rest of my life if this doesn't work out. Nevertheless, I am still thankful for this time that I can be together with somebody who loves me for ALL that I am, that I can share a good part of my young adulthood with, and hopefully somebody that I can grow old with.
So I've been reading random "2014 in summary" blogposts and it dawned upon me how 2014 could / was possibly the best year of my life so far.
2014 was so good till the extent that I'm so unwilling to welcome 2015 because somehow I feel like it won't match up or it'd just pale in comparison to how good 2014 was.
I know I'm not supposed to be comparing, but there just seem to be nothing much to look forward to.
2015 is supposed to be the lull period for me because I'm finishing up my university education and hopefully be able to practice.
It's also the last year for me to be a student.
I'm not going to say that I love being a student, it's just something about being a law student that makes being a student horrible, but I do supposed it beats the working world and life.
In any case, I do hope that I finish up my university education well and leave with no regrets.
If I want 2014 to be remembered for anything, it'd definitely be these four things:
1. My exchange in Israel.
It's funny how God really put everything in place for me. Even with my substandard GPA, I still managed to go on exchange.
I still remember it was sometime in June that I was with Charlene and Yaanmeng's at his old place and we were baking macarons and lemon cupcakes. And I was just casually mentioning to them that my applications for exchange would close at 12 midnight. At that point of time, I wasn't expecting to go on exchange because of my shitty GPA and also because I had no money. It was always in my plan to on exchange, if I ever did, in Y4S1. Given that I had no hopes in applying for exchange in Y3S2, I just casually filled up the exchange worksheet, without expecting to go on exchange.
During the end of my OCSP, I received an email saying that I had been rejected for the schools I had applied for. However, another email came in saying that certain locations had slots left. Amongst them were US, HK, Israel, Barcelona and I can't really remember the rest. And so I decided that I'd just whack Israel and if it's meant for me to be there, I will be there.
And then the email came in, stating that I had a spot at "IDC Herzliya". Was I happy? A little. Was I afraid? A little. Was I assured that there was God wanted me to be? Yes.
So fast forward till February, I had my life packed in two suitcases and I was on the flight to Israel. Exchange, like I mentioned previously, was the best thing that happened to me in 2014. It not only provided me with a period of rest, that was much needed from the dreaded law school, but it also made me discover so many things about myself and life that I possibly wouldn't have discovered without going on exchange.
Exchange opened my eyes to so many things, so many sights and also changed my perspective and outlook to life in so many ways. It wasn't only in the wonderful roommates that I lived with, the wonderful people at church, and the wonderful country Israel was but every single detail that led me to believe that God really prepared a place there for me. Honestly, the only worries I had was to decided what to cook for dinner the next day or whether the clothes that were washed together would run color.
It was a period in my life that was so precious to me that I am glad I documented almost every single day in my Dayre (http://dayre.me/aileenstephanie). So beyond a shadow of doubt, I thank God for the period of rest that He gave me in Israel, for looking out for me every single step of the way, and for providing for me in every single way I would possibly need.
2. Travels.
In 2014 alone I visited 18 cities in 11 countries, and that is a lot of places, even more than an individual might travel in his lifetime. Once again, I am grateful to God for providing with the opportunity to travel to so many different places and for keeping me safe. These travels definitely didn't come cheap, but in every single situation, He always provided more than enough for me. He also blessed me with the best companies I could possibly need.
1. Israel - Tel Aviv
2. Germany - Berlin
3. Germany - Stuttgart
4. Spain - Barcelona
5. France - Paris
6. Italy - Venice
7. Italy - Florence
8. Italy - Rome
9. Turkey - Istanbul
10. Turkey - Cappadocia
11. Greece - Athens
12. Hong Kong - Hong Kong
13. Korea - Seoul
14. Korea - Jeju
15. Korea - Busan
16. Thailand - Pattaya
17. Thailand - Bangkok
18. Malaysia - Penang
3. Training contract.
I guess this is something every single Year 3 law student would be worrying about, and given my GPA, I guess it was even more worrying. I guess if there was anything weighing down on my mind in Israel, this would be it. Yet even with the future uncertainty, God instill in me a sense of peace that could never have come from within myself. In spite of all my worries, I always had this peace of mind that God has a plan for me and that even though my grades or what the world represent seemed against me, He was my only rock and hope.
And so after months of worrying about my training contract, God opened an opportunity for me and provided me with a training contract. And even with this, the future is still uncertain in many ways, but I know that God will always be with me, and that is all that really matters.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow,
and I know who holds my hand.
4. Jon.
We saw this coming. But yes, through every single thing that I'm grateful for in 2014, from exchange to travels to my training contract, he was a part of it. Everybody knows I am a love skeptic, who wants to get married someday. (I know I am bipolar like that) And so when it comes to relationships, I really don't quite believe in it. But yet I am very glad that in His time, He placed Jon in my life to love me and make me grow in ways I've never grown before.
If you've always found me to be obnoxious and condescending, he's the one who tells me that I need to stop doing what I do, and actually makes me stop being a nasty person. (If I still am, I am working on it) Trust me when I say that he is brutally honest with me. He is not afraid to hurt my feelings at all, to make me become a better person. And we all know how it's not so easy to love me, but he does it anyway.
Sometimes he can get irritatingly and annoyingly rational, (he has never written me a note since we got together, nor has he gotten me flowers even though I keep bugging him to), but he is romantic, thoughtful and caring in his own ways. And more importantly, he really makes me feel happy, loved and appreciated.
And because I am still a love skeptic (what, you weren't expecting me to change over night were you?), I am not dismissing the possibly that I may eventually not end up marrying Jon, or even being single for the rest of my life if this doesn't work out. Nevertheless, I am still thankful for this time that I can be together with somebody who loves me for ALL that I am, that I can share a good part of my young adulthood with, and hopefully somebody that I can grow old with.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Saturday, October 04, 2014
September's over, time to wake up.
Not that I didn't know what was going on for a large part of September, but it was a ... if I should say, boring one.
September's always boring.
There were little good things here and there though, like the fact that I finally managed to secure a TC. Thank God, really. (':
I guess my life's been really mundane because I'm in the last year of a chapter of my life. It did seemed like just yesterday I entered into university, but it also does seem like a long while that I've been in this. I'm not professing that working life is going to be a whole lot better, but I'm guessing it's gonna be a different kind of challenging once again. And if anything, I just wish that I would be able the face the challenges that may come my way.
Not that I didn't know what was going on for a large part of September, but it was a ... if I should say, boring one.
September's always boring.
There were little good things here and there though, like the fact that I finally managed to secure a TC. Thank God, really. (':
I guess my life's been really mundane because I'm in the last year of a chapter of my life. It did seemed like just yesterday I entered into university, but it also does seem like a long while that I've been in this. I'm not professing that working life is going to be a whole lot better, but I'm guessing it's gonna be a different kind of challenging once again. And if anything, I just wish that I would be able the face the challenges that may come my way.
Tuesday, September 09, 2014
Tuesday, September 02, 2014
Monday, September 01, 2014
Summers never looked the same;
I'd be lying if I said I've gotten used to living back in Singapore,
cos I haven't and it sucks that I keep remembering life during the last eight months.
I knew I was going to miss it, I just didn't expect it to be this soon.
It's September and I'm into the third week of school,
And I haven't gotten used to the rigor of SMU, that's what exchange does to you.
All I can think about are the days I woke up at whatever time I wanted to, the days I spent in front of the Mediterranean Sea thinking about life, the days I spent grocery shopping and cooking, the days I spent not going to school because I could, the days I spent in Hativat Alexdroni, the days I spent in Europe, the days I spent in Korea bumming around, the days I spent that's no longer around.
I hate this, I wish I could be less nostalgic, less emotional, then maybe I would miss less.
In the mean time, I can only wish the future would be better.
I'd be lying if I said I've gotten used to living back in Singapore,
cos I haven't and it sucks that I keep remembering life during the last eight months.
I knew I was going to miss it, I just didn't expect it to be this soon.
It's September and I'm into the third week of school,
And I haven't gotten used to the rigor of SMU, that's what exchange does to you.
All I can think about are the days I woke up at whatever time I wanted to, the days I spent in front of the Mediterranean Sea thinking about life, the days I spent grocery shopping and cooking, the days I spent not going to school because I could, the days I spent in Hativat Alexdroni, the days I spent in Europe, the days I spent in Korea bumming around, the days I spent that's no longer around.
I hate this, I wish I could be less nostalgic, less emotional, then maybe I would miss less.
In the mean time, I can only wish the future would be better.
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
And so we're in Busan now and it's been exactly a month since I left for Korea!
Without a doubt, I've been enjoying myself tremendously. And I must give a million shout outs to Salad whose been the most patient and tolerant of me. To put it simply, I'm not the easiest person to live with, but she has been giving in so much to me. And of course, she has been doing all the planning and bookings for the trips. I'm clearly the deadweight loss on this escapade. Nevertheless, I am super thankful to be on this break with one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world.
Love you forever Salady.
xoxo
Without a doubt, I've been enjoying myself tremendously. And I must give a million shout outs to Salad whose been the most patient and tolerant of me. To put it simply, I'm not the easiest person to live with, but she has been giving in so much to me. And of course, she has been doing all the planning and bookings for the trips. I'm clearly the deadweight loss on this escapade. Nevertheless, I am super thankful to be on this break with one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world.
Love you forever Salady.
xoxo
Sunday, August 03, 2014
The year of many first;
So I'm back because I haven't been here for the longest time again. Sometime during the start of this year, I remembering Dayre-ing that this would be a year of many firsts. For starters, it was the first time I left home for seven months straight. It was also the first time that I had time just for myself and was completely free of any obligations. It was also the first time I went on a student exchange program to Israel (the best thing that happened to me in SMU). And also the first time I travelled Europe. Most importantly, it was also the first time I decided that I was matured (or ready?) enough to love someone (or rather, to believe in love). And for the first time, I am in love. And I am happy.
So I'm back because I haven't been here for the longest time again. Sometime during the start of this year, I remembering Dayre-ing that this would be a year of many firsts. For starters, it was the first time I left home for seven months straight. It was also the first time that I had time just for myself and was completely free of any obligations. It was also the first time I went on a student exchange program to Israel (the best thing that happened to me in SMU). And also the first time I travelled Europe. Most importantly, it was also the first time I decided that I was matured (or ready?) enough to love someone (or rather, to believe in love). And for the first time, I am in love. And I am happy.
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